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Which pattern (rigid complementarity, competitive symmetry, or submissive symmetry) do you think would be the most difficult to change? Why? I believe the rigid complementarity pattern in a relationship would be the most challenging to change. Sarah Trenholm argues, “When the submissive partner begins to resent always giving in or when the dominant partner begins to tire of being in charge, dissatisfaction can result” (Trenholm 2008, pg. 148). Sooner or later, the partner who takes the one-down position (submissive role) will no longer accepts his/her situation. A very dear friend of mine whose husband dominated her throughout their 17 years of marriage, has said, “Enough is enough,” and has filed for a divorce.
In addition, the most damaging to a relationship is the competitive symmetry. As Trenholm states, “Both members fight for the one-up position. Although there are times when competition can encourage both members to do their best, in typical relationships this pattern can be stressful and frustrating and can take its toll on the patience of the partners” (Trenholm 2008, pg. 148). A great example is two male workers in the same department competing for a promotion to the next level. Both of these gentlemen are highly educated and experienced. Both would make be an asset to the department as a manager. However, only one could hold the title. After months of competing with one another, one of the guys left the company and is now a Director, while the person who has remain with us has not been promoted.
I believe the submissive symmetry pattern would be the most potentially damaging to the self-esteem of the individuals involved. According to Trenholm, “Both parties struggle to relinquish control…this is an especially interesting pattern, because it is paradoxical. Although both partners ostensibly avoid control, each does his or her best to control the other by forcing the other to make the decision” (Trenholm 2008, pg. 148). With this pattern, it seems to me that nothing would get accomplished and it would be frustrating. I work with people like this and to me; it is difficult to get a decision out of them. It is as if they are afraid to make any decisions on their own. I end up leaving the decision up to them and I will wait until they come up with an answer (if the situation is not critical) or I end up making a decision for them.
Ciao,
Paris
Great post. you did a great job of describing each of the relationship patterns. I used to have a problem in my relationship with the submissive symmetry pattern. I was too willing to please and so was my boyfriend. It didn't take long before that situation became frustrating for the both of us.
ReplyDeleteI think if both individuals are aware of the problem it can be fixed pretty easily. For me and my boyfriend it was a matter of realizing that by being ourselves and asking for certain things we were in turn making the other person happy. We learned that it's okay to have an opinion about something, it actually makes things easier when you know exactly what the other person wants.
Hi Paris--
ReplyDeleteI too agree that you did a great job answering this particular question. I purposely answered this question last because I was waiting to see what others answered for it. However, you gave a clear description and your opinions were quite interesting as well. I too believe the submissive symmetry pattern would be the most potentially damaging to the self-esteem of the individuals involved. The reason for this is because our self-esteem is what holds us together. If we feel good about ourselves, positive outcomes are played out while if we feel bad about ourselves, negative outcomes are played out. It's a give or take situation in my opinion!